How to Get Published in The New Yorker

Reference, at minimum,
two types of plants or grasses:
whorled milkweed, for example; an
alfalfa sprout or two—maybe even
a spiny-leaved sow thistle
if you’re looking to make
an impression. The more obscure,
the better!

In terms of content: aim for
impenetrability, but
settle for mere obfuscation.
(Remember, obfuscation leads to publication!)
If your poem has any narrative
thread or thematic coherence,
you’re doing it wrong.

Alter your name so it
reads more like a poet’s:
first and middle initials
followed by surname.
If that doesn’t work,
submit under a pseudonym:
‘Henri Cole’ and ‘Natasha
Trethewey’ are safe bets.

Josh King

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